, , , , , ,

So the last posts have been about me venting, me blaming you.
It’s not all about you.
I know it’s also my fault, I know a lot of it falls back on me. I’m the mom. I should have seen it coming. How does a mom not realize what’s going on, how do I not know how far it’s gone. I thought it would get better. That she just needed to get used to being in high school, to start to miss her dad so she could forgive him. I believed her when she said she went to school. I trusted her.

When everything fell apart I wasn’t sure what to do, how to do it or what the fuck was going to happen. It felt like I was falling and no one was going to catch me. Honestly I really didn’t want to be caught. I wanted to be held and told that everything was going to be okay, that this wasn’t my life. That didn’t happen, it couldn’t happen, I had to get my girl better and if I tumbled she’d be tumbling right beside me. Her falling was not an option. I’m the mom, she was going to get better. I got her out, got her help and when she starts to melt which she has done again I’ve held her and me together.

We are getting past this, we will because I will make sure we do. Because she’s half of me and that half is STRONG.